Sweet Home California!

Just want to really quickly let you know that  I am  back.
I left Russia with many tears but once I landed in California I felt home :)
I am really sick so not in the mood to write all about my trip but stay tuned in for more posts. I have a lot to share with you!!!<3 p="">

How are you?

Many of you are asking me how I am doing...

The easy  answer would be that I am doing wonderful......Just fantastico! 

But let me be honest, open and transparent with you.... 
This trip has been extremely difficult, physically, mentally, and emotionally on me.


Visits to my biological mom have been the hardest...
I am a very emotional person. 
My adoptive mom always says to me,
"Ana, your emotions are a good thing, you just need to learn to control them." 
I know that being able to cry  with someone that's crying and laugh with someone that's laughing is a gift, but I often feel too much for the other person. I let my feelings take a hold of me and run me.

That is what happened with my biological mom. Seeing her in the condition she is in, breaks my heart. Although, I choose not to share publicly everything about her, I can tell you this; after I see her I leave with a heavy load. My heart aches for her... I try to get through to her but it's not working. She is a very ill  woman and is slowly killing herself by her actions. 
If only I didn't feel her pain, loneliness, guilt, and troubles. I would be much happier... I want to cry but I cant...I must stay strong.. I am on a verge of a break down but somehow God is holding me together.   
I love my mom, I want to see her healthy.. Why has God not healed her?
He has done so much for me, why can't He do this?  

LORD,  it's not that I doubt you, I'm just in a lot of pain.

I need Your help!

I know with You all things are possible...

But why isn't my mom accepting You?

Why haven't you healed her?

I know YOU CAN!

Jesus I beg you... calm my heart. Bring Your peace on me.

I beg You start YOUR work in my moms life. 

Please God!!! Please!!!

I love You Jesus  and need Your help.

In Your name Amen

Please join me in my prayer for my mom and well for me as well. 
Coming back to my childhood has been harder than I expected.

Working with troubled children but being troubled myself is difficult...
Having so many errands to run in a city I've forgotten is over whelming...
Having 6 weeks full of school work on top of all of this is plain  A LOT!!
Feeling guilty for not being able to accomplish all that my adoptive parents are expecting of me on this trip is tearing me down.

So how am I doing?

Well considering all of this, and the fact that I  still get up in the morning and have strength to  love the children. I think I am doing okay.
Although inside I am all messed up, I know God has kept me equipped for the children of the orphanage. 

I am absolutely confident in my work with them. I know God's mission for me was done with the older girls.  I have not failed God in any way!! :) And  now I'm working with the little kids and I love it!! They bring me joy. 


So after reading all of this I do not want you to feel bad for me because I am still standing; I am okay. I just need prayer.. God is teaching me something in this trial... I am growing wiser and closer to Him.  I thank Him for that.