Sweet Home California!

Just want to really quickly let you know that  I am  back.
I left Russia with many tears but once I landed in California I felt home :)
I am really sick so not in the mood to write all about my trip but stay tuned in for more posts. I have a lot to share with you!!!<3 p="">

How are you?

Many of you are asking me how I am doing...

The easy  answer would be that I am doing wonderful......Just fantastico! 

But let me be honest, open and transparent with you.... 
This trip has been extremely difficult, physically, mentally, and emotionally on me.


Visits to my biological mom have been the hardest...
I am a very emotional person. 
My adoptive mom always says to me,
"Ana, your emotions are a good thing, you just need to learn to control them." 
I know that being able to cry  with someone that's crying and laugh with someone that's laughing is a gift, but I often feel too much for the other person. I let my feelings take a hold of me and run me.

That is what happened with my biological mom. Seeing her in the condition she is in, breaks my heart. Although, I choose not to share publicly everything about her, I can tell you this; after I see her I leave with a heavy load. My heart aches for her... I try to get through to her but it's not working. She is a very ill  woman and is slowly killing herself by her actions. 
If only I didn't feel her pain, loneliness, guilt, and troubles. I would be much happier... I want to cry but I cant...I must stay strong.. I am on a verge of a break down but somehow God is holding me together.   
I love my mom, I want to see her healthy.. Why has God not healed her?
He has done so much for me, why can't He do this?  

LORD,  it's not that I doubt you, I'm just in a lot of pain.

I need Your help!

I know with You all things are possible...

But why isn't my mom accepting You?

Why haven't you healed her?

I know YOU CAN!

Jesus I beg you... calm my heart. Bring Your peace on me.

I beg You start YOUR work in my moms life. 

Please God!!! Please!!!

I love You Jesus  and need Your help.

In Your name Amen

Please join me in my prayer for my mom and well for me as well. 
Coming back to my childhood has been harder than I expected.

Working with troubled children but being troubled myself is difficult...
Having so many errands to run in a city I've forgotten is over whelming...
Having 6 weeks full of school work on top of all of this is plain  A LOT!!
Feeling guilty for not being able to accomplish all that my adoptive parents are expecting of me on this trip is tearing me down.

So how am I doing?

Well considering all of this, and the fact that I  still get up in the morning and have strength to  love the children. I think I am doing okay.
Although inside I am all messed up, I know God has kept me equipped for the children of the orphanage. 

I am absolutely confident in my work with them. I know God's mission for me was done with the older girls.  I have not failed God in any way!! :) And  now I'm working with the little kids and I love it!! They bring me joy. 


So after reading all of this I do not want you to feel bad for me because I am still standing; I am okay. I just need prayer.. God is teaching me something in this trial... I am growing wiser and closer to Him.  I thank Him for that. 

Captions

I have so much to tell you!!!

Let me start with a really good day I had last week...

I sat down  for a coffee with  Vladislav Mikailovich Nikitin, the director  of  House of Mercy. He is a great man who truly cares for the disadvantaged children. He was very much interested in my thoughts on the girls group and what could be better.   

In addition he recorded my thoughts on international adoption for his future lectures.   It was a very pleasant time to also learn about different aspects of running a social rehabilitation center.

Later that day, I got  interviewed for the news about the ban of Americans adopting from Russia.

Sadly, the government prohibited that segment, but I still got to talk about my mission at House of Mercy. Click Here to see the news.... Fast-forward it towards the end-ish.

Girls Group

So I lay down and close my eyes, when I open them I am back in my big bed in California. I 'm feeling something unusual… I'm sad and wanting to go back to St. Petersburg. I’ve missed my girls already… Suddenly I feel a kiss and think it’s my mom. I wake up and see Dasha’s face. “Good morning Miss Ciano!” she says. 
Oh the joy I felt.. 
I was still here (:
Don’t get me wrong I do miss my home and family in California..But I know this was a message from God to enjoy every single moment I  still have here with sisters! ♥

To the right is a photo of Dasha. Please keep her in your prayers, she just got transferred to an orphanage and is almost 18 years old. I pray that she will have a place to go to after she ages out. 

I have been able to share the Gospel with each girl. I don't know why  but it still surprises me when someone never heard about Jesus. Pretty much to every girl this was all news.

I thank God for using me to plant His seeds in their lives.

Polina, Katya, Tanya, Katya K, Nastya, Dina and Nadya asked Jesus to be part of their life!!!

Katya K, was filled with so much joy that moment. This girl never EVER cleaned up or helped anyone unless she was forced to. But just seconds after she accepted the Lord she helped another girl clean up a spill! Even the caregiver noticed and mentioned it to me...  Praise God. 

With Nastya I especially felt the Holy Spirit in the room, she couldn't wait to invite Jesus into her heart. 

Tanya started to come up to me and ask more and more about God:)

I pray God continues His work in all these girls, keeps them strong and grounded in their new found faith! 

Thanks to my mission sponsor Frank, I was able to give a Bible to every girl. They were very grateful for it. Many girls made presents and wrote thank you notes to me.

Today however was a really sad day; I had to say goodbye to them. The girls left for camp and I moved to work with the little kids.

Last 4 weeks have been such  indescribable experiences. I have grown so close to my sister and it's hard to say goodbye. I hope to stay in contact with them through email and ect..

I have learned SO much from them about the mind of an orphan; their needs, why they act the way they act and so much more!!! 

There were good and bad times, rough and easy, boring and fun... But in the end God's will was done, HE kept me strong and equipped.   

The Harbor

Tens of thousands of orphans in Russia are moved out of state institutions each year at age 17. Most of these orphans enter a cycle of self destruction, often falling into a life of crime. Many of these stories end in suicide. The founders of The Harbor recognized a profound gap exists between the orphanage and life outside. The Harbor fills this gap by placing orphans in residential family-style communities, giving them an education, and teaching them skills necessary to maintain a home and thrive in Russian society.

http://www.theharborspb.org/

During my stay in St. Petersburg,I was hoping to help out at The Harbor. But life got a little too crazzy for me here. I did  though meet with Luba Yarovaya, the National Director of The Harbor. She took me on  tour of the girls apartment. The Harbor is an incredible ministry!  Check out this video...

I gave The Harbor Ministry a donation that came out of the funds I raised towards my trip. They used it to buy groceries and other  necessities  for a single mother trying to raise 3 children. Olya absolutely didn't have anything to feed her kids and the holidays are in the air. I'm glad God used my connection with The Harbor to bless this women with supply of food for 14 days. I also want to thank all of you who contributed financially towards my mission here. This is also a present to Olya from you!

Now I'm working with children from 4 - 6 years old.  

 JOY THEY ARE!!!!!

God is in Control

I am going on my third week with the girls and to be honest it's harder than I thought it would be to live here.  The director was right in the beginning to warn me about how difficult they are, but I thought I'd seen and experienced it all and was ready. 

The deal is that I came here with a passionate heart to serve,  to love,  to bless, and to share the Gospel with them, but as time went on I started losing that desire. It had to do with just the whole atmosphere in the apartment; the constant yelling, cigarette smell, selfishness and evilness in the air. The girls are so misbehaved that the caregivers have lost all hope in them. They say it’s useless to try to help them, they won’t change. I guess I started believing that too. 

I have not yet given them their presents because the caregivers believe they  don't deserve them… So I’m saving it for when they start to behave better or for New Years.

Even though the girls respect me, I can’t stand how they act towards the caregivers. They practically spit in their faces and couldn't care less about what they have to say.  It’s hard to love them and want to help them because they are SO ungrateful and you feel that anything and everything you do is worthless to them.

As you can see, I had a rough patch last week with my emotions towards the girls. But like usual God came to the rescue with the scripture. He reminded me that I must keep my faith IN HIM strong...“If your faith is not strong, you will not have strength enough to last” Isaiah 7:9b With God all things are possible; I must believe in what HE can do, NOT in what I can do. 

"You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." Mathew 17:20

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.seek his will in all you do,and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6

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Jesus has me here for a reason and I mustn't lose sight of that for a second. He specifically placed me to work with these girls… I was originally going to come to Russia during the summer (these girls weren't here) but due to my Russian passport renewal process, I couldn't.  Then I requested to work with the little kids, but there was no room there. The administration here told me that this group of girls is the hardest they have ever had…God made it obvious that He wants me here, at this time, with these girls.  

I am here doing His work… planting seeds… It is not my job to change them… God is in control.   If I don’t see change in them by the time I leave, it’s okay for I know I have not failed God. He has a plan and I am just one of His instruments.  I thank God for this mission because I am growing closer to Him  and learning a lot more about myself.

I do love these girls!!!!  God has restored in me the desire  to serve,  to love,  to bless, and to share the Gospel with them.

THREE GIRLS ACCEPTED THE LORD AS THEIR LORD AND SAVIOR. 

Dina, Polina and Katya... 

Please keep them in yours prayers as they begin their  new life with Jesus:)

Feeling Fresh..

Hello there! Yes I am alive and well(: 

I am having a great time getting to know these girls. Last week I learned about some of what they like, what they are in need of and  their personal  stories. It was interesting to just sit back and  observe them. One of the things I noticed is that they need confidence. They are very beautiful, capable young ladies but don't believe that or try to succeed in school or anything else for that matter. 
So I thought about myself and what gives me confidence and motivation in life, and of course  its in the knowledge of that I was made wonderfully by God and for His purpose.  I find self assurance in His Word.
But I know these girls are not yet on that level with God.  So I thought of a more practical way that helps me feel more confident. When I am all put together: hair is brushed, clean, nice clothes, smell good.. etc.. When I feel good about my appearance, I feel good about myself therefore have more confidence and even want to go out there and do something....(to show off my outfit;0)... 
Anyways, this weekend I went shopping for some presents for the girls and I decided to give them something for their hair, personal hygiene, face, some winter things like gloves and socks etc...
I hope and believe that this will start to help them feel better about themselves. 

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

                                                               Ephesians 2:10

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.          

                                                      Psalm 139:13-14

Being confident of this, that he who began a good

 work in you will carry it on to completion until the

 day of Christ Jesus.

                                                 Philippians 1:6

The Hidden Truth

House of Mercy isn't technically an orphanage; they call it a social rehabilitation center. The kids’ parents here are in the process of either getting their child back, or losing their parental rights. That being said, most children at House of Mercy want to go back to their parents rather then get transferred to an orphanage.  And that being said…

 I asked each girl about how they got here, and most answered, “I just skipped too many days of school, or my apartment was a mess when a social worker walked in.” Surprised, that no one said it was because they weren't being taken care of at home; I further asked, “Were you treated well at home?” And the most common answer was, “I was beaten, but I got used to it, so it’s alright.” Each girl hopes to return home no matter what the circumstances are. They believe that it is their own fault that they are in here. One girl said, “If only I would have gone to school and cleaned up the apartment, I would be with my dad now.” Another girl told me that her mom put her here as a punishment for skipping school and when she is 18 she can come back and apologize.  From everything else I heard, I could tell that’s just her moms’ excuse to not raise her child, but Sveta is blind to that truth.

These girls are in major need of acceptance, attention, faith and love. They are not worried about going back to their broken homes as long as they belong to a… “family”…  The reality is that they get teased and looked down upon everyday at school for being the “orphanage kids.” So if going back to a violent   home will make that nickname “orphan kid” go away, well… then be it!  That’s the way they think.

 It’s a sad truth, but I too, once thought and felt that way, I wanted to go back to my mom…I understand them so I can connect with them, but it breaks my heart to know their pain.  I’m almost re-living it with them. There is a light in that dark tunnel though, I found it in Jesus.  I hope to guide them to that light as well... With God all things are possible! He can heal them, He can find them a place where they will be truly accepted and loved. I know there is hope for each one of these girls and God has a plan for them. I pray He uses me greatly and His love through me would be the key to their healing, wholeness and hope.

Note: Childrens names were changed.

Girls, Girls, Girls..

I made it to St. Petersburg! It is so beautiful here. Everything is covered with snow, I'm in  winter wonderland. I arrived here with a a peaceful heart, feeling ready for whatever awaits me. Yesterday I started my work at House of Mercy, social cohabitation center. 

The Director placed me to live in an apartment with 15 girls, ages 11-17.  He warned me that these girls are very difficult and have a lot of problems, and that I need to keep all my belongings locked up. I definitely feel the  hurt, abuse, and neglect from the past, on their faces...  Today, I walked some girls to school because yesterday they ran off. They told me that the other students at school were bullying them (pulling on their hair and bra straps, and one girls even got hit in the eye.) This is their reality everyday... 
Last night two phones were stolen right out of the caregivers desk and last week a girl was sent to a mental health institution. Even though living here is difficult, I fell in love with these girls. They are so in need of love, warmth, attention and faith.  They hug me non-stop and  one girls even asked me to tell her that I love her.
I have already shared my story about how God helped me,with couple girls, and they were very interested  and one girl said,   "I read my Bible today." I am excited to work here, I think  its funny that they call me Miss. Ciano.. But more importantly I am their friend.

Ps. there is no WiFi at the apartment, I'm at McDonald's right now.. So I will do my very best to keep you updated.

Let It Begin...

Tomorrow is the day I've been looking forward to since May. I will be leaving to my native country, Russia.  
However, the past couple weeks were really tough on me. I had so much on my mind, (and still do,) that I just came home and slept to avoid thinking about anything concerning this trip. I had  and actually still have so many different emotions going on. I don't even know what I feel. Am I excited, nervous, ready, stressed, sad, happy? I don't really feel anything...  All I know is that I am tired...  

Some of  you who read this blog don't believe in God but respect my mission. I realize that my constant writing about God may even really  bother you. But I thank you for your continual  interest and support. 

At times like this is where my faith comes in the most  though. I am wiped out, therefore discouraged about my travel. But Lord gives me hope and a quiet heart  through the scripture in the Bible.  " He gives strength to those who are tired and more power to those who are weak.... The people who trust the Lord will become strong again." Isaiah 40:29,31    To some of you these are just some words, but if you are a believer, you  know that this is true because the Lord has done just that in your life before. I know that's true for me.  He has given me strength in time of need numerous times. For Example, I am terrified of  public speaking. I turn red, start to shake, and make no sense. So how did I manage to share my personal life with the entire school couple weeks ago? I prayed... God used my weakness, to show what He is capable of. He gave me passion and confidence.. My life story isn't for me to keep but to glorify God with it.

So here I am right now,  feeling blah blah right before I leave...  However, I trust the Lord for He never failed me once.  He has put many loving and wonderful people around me at school, church, at home and even on Fb.  Today my friends threw me a SURPRISE  SEND OFF TO RUSSIA party at school. That and many other kind things others  have done for me cheered me up  through out this difficult time... 
 So I give my worries to the Lord  and I know He has great plans for me. I hope you tune in for more to see how God will strengthen me. I want you all  to witness this.

Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. Sever any tie, but the tie that binds me to Thy service and to Thy heart.- David Livingston 

How Can I Help?

Thanks so much for your interest in my Orphan Outreach to Russia. I have raised my travel expenses and am now fundraising directly for ministry to the orphans. Presently, there are several ways to help: 

1) I am providing some Etnies shoes for the kids. The cost to purchase and transport the shoes (additional airline luggage fees) is $20 ea. If you would like to write a note to go with any shoes you purchase, just send it with your check and I will make sure to read the note to the boy or girl receiving the shoes.

2) The children are in need of active wear and winter clothes as well as school books and supplies for the 'homeschool' that operates withing the orphanage itself. I will need to buy these things once I arrive in Russia (because of luggage restrictions and because I want to involve the staff in the selection of what's most needed.

3) Any unspecified amount I will be able to use for the kids or staff as the Lord leads. This might be a tea party or a small outing. 

Checks can be addressed to me, Anastasia Ciano at  5401 Via Vicente, Yorba Linda, CA 92887.

The best support you can give me is PRAYER:) 

(I'm limited on what I can bring because of airline luggage restrictions).

Thank you!

My Journey Event Speech at YLHS

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Anastasia and I’m a senior.

Watching the video now, it seemed like, in the beginning, I talked really slow.  Although I've told my story before, I haven’t done anything this public.  Filming, I was a little surprised that it was difficult to talk about some parts of my past.  Although it’s distant, reliving it can still be painful.  That’s why I couldn't help but talk about God and His impact on my life and my healing.  I understand we go to a public school and just mentioning religion here makes some people uncomfortable.  But this is my personal story, my journey, and it is a testament to what faith can do in a person’s life. 

MY OUTREACH TO RUSSIA

Now, I’d like to tell you about the next step in my journey.  On November 30, I leave for 6 weeks to Russia.  I will be going back to St Petersburg, to my former orphanage as an intern.  I have 3 specific goals:

My first goal is to learn about the whole orphanage system.  I’ll be shadowing social workers, learning about budgets, cooking meals, changing diapers, and probably scrubbing toilets.  I want to learn about running an orphanage because I want to build one to provide lost, abused and thrown away children a safe place to live, one where they are fed, clothed, loved and told about God.

My second goal is to talk to some of the powerful people, the people with money, about helping orphans in their community.  There are 4 Rotary Clubs in St Petersburg and I plan to start there.  I also want to champion adoption, in particular, international adoption.  Russia has been slowly closing its doors to international adoption, but its own system of foster care and family support has not made up the gap.  More and more children are falling through the cracks.  Less and less children have any hope of a different life.  I was one of the few that ‘got out’ and I feel a need to advocate for those stuck in the system.  You see, I was adopted 2 days before my 11^th birthday.  Had I not been adopted, I would have been transferred to an orphanage for teens, which was basically a pimp house.

My third goal is where you come in.  It’s to minister to the kids themselves directly.  To show them love, to  give them hope  and to let them know that someone cares.  That YOU care.  

As you saw in my video, the two big words that made a change for me were CARE and LOVE.  Care and love are absolutely the biggest need the orphans have.  So, I had this crazy idea to involve the whole school.  We have 1,810 students here this year.  Imagine the impact we could have on fatherless kids if we only . . .,

if we just . . .

I think so often our biggest worries are SO small.  For instance, on Wednesday afternoon, I was so stressed out about showing you guys this video.  I thought I looked stupid and sounded stupid and I was complaining about it to a friend.  I actually wasn't even going to show it to you guys, but that same night, I get a phone call from that same friend where she said, “My dad is in the hospital”.  I rushed over to be with her and I see her, in the waiting room, bawling her eyes out.   I hug her and say “Hayley, it will be OK.  He’s just sick, he’ll get better”.  She said, “No, it won’t.  My dad is dead”.  At that moment, I froze, I just kind of stood back and saw that while I was putting wrinkles on my forehead over how I looked on a video, her whole world was changing.  Her dad won’t be there to see her graduate, or walk her down the aisle or hold his first grandchild.  She lost a parent.  And then I thought about the orphans and street children in Russia who don’t have parents at all.  I remembered what it was like and I can tell you they don’t worry about graduating, they worry if they’ll have enough to eat tomorrow.  They don’t look in a full closet and ask “what am I going to wear today”, they ask, do I have any clothes or shoes, how will I stay warm outside?

When I tuned back in, I saw Hayley surrounded by her friends, all doing their best to comfort her.   I also saw girl who’d stepped away from the group and was on her phone.  She lives with a foster family.  She was calling her mom who she hadn't talked to in a long time.  I overheard her say “Hey mom, I just wanted to say I love you.”  As I looked back to our group, beyond them, to the left, a woman walked in with a balloon bouquet saying ‘baby’.  Even though this was a tragic moment for Hayley, there was beauty and hope in that place too.

I thought back to the orphans in Russia and the beauty and hope WE can bring to them.  Remember those earlier statistics?  90% of the teens leaving orphanages fail.  What if we could change that?  What if we could show that a school, halfway across the world cares about these kids?  What if, in helping to change their possibilities, we changed some of our own?

SUPPORT & INSPIRATION

You can start by simply sponsoring a pair of shoes for a kid who doesn’t have any, or buying a T-shirt.  I have already raised enough money to cover my travel costs, so any amount, no matter how small, will go directly to providing for the kids physical needs. 

I was talking to a student yesterday about helping others and she said “I would, but I don’t have any money”.  Yet, she was holding a Starbucks in her hand.  She has one almost everyday.  OK, it’s her money (or her parents) and she can spend it any way she wants.  I just wonder, if she gave up one Starbucks, or even better one a week, to help someone else, would she feel better about herself?  Would she feel more engaged in life?  More confident about her ability to make a difference?  Maybe we don’t realize how much we have and how much we can give back right now.

I’m not just talking about money.  I can tell you for sure when Hailey was crying, I could connect with her on such a deep level, because I, too, saw my father die.  There is a reason for the things we go through – so think about it. . .Why did you survive cancer?  Why did someone close to you die?  Why were you abused?

Why you?  Maybe, in part, to allow you to connect with others in a very human way. 

I want to thank you for allowing me to share My Journey with you.  Some of your teachers passed out cards where you wrote some of your goals and ideas.  I’ve read many of them, and I’m impressed.  These cards show this isn’t just a school full of spoiled, rich kids, it’s a school with kids who have big dreams and big hearts.  Kids ready for a journey. 

For those of you who didn’t fill out cards, I want to encourage you to think about what your journey is.  Where will you go?  What will you take with you?  What will you bring back?  Whose shoes will you walk in and what difference will you make?  What kind of world do you want to live in as an adult?   And how do you get there?

One thing my visit to the hospital brought home to me was that none of us know how long we have.  The death of Hayley’s dad reminded  me to live fully now.  Give back now.  Not put off til tomorrow, til I’m older, my chances to make a difference.  MY JOURNEY.

I’ll close with one more question, when are you going to start?  I can answer that for you.  Your journey started TODAY.

Over 300 students were there 
And we raised $600.00:)

Thank you all for your donations!